CLUNGE VALLEY — According to an email received to his hotmail.com account, Trigger Alert editor and principle fake news writer D.R. Everend could win a fake writing award for his work on the fake news site.
According to the email, a representative named Jill from a shadily-sourced sweepstakes house has noticed that Trigger Alert’s stats are “through the roof”, and informed Everend that by submitting writings from the site and a $30 processing fee, he and his Trigger Alert fake news site could be in the running for her unheard-of company’s previously non-existent “coveted” writing award.
“I’m a little leery of anything either Jill or I has to say or offer,” said Everend in a statement about two seconds ago, depending on your reading aptitude.
Sources close to Trigger Alert could not confirm that any stats were “through the roof” noting that most times people likely just “like the headline on Facebook” while browsing without actually reading the articles.
“I guess it’s a pretty great honor, to be included in this bulk business email.” Everend stated.
“With this award, I would have already earned the most dubious distinction if I were to actually Paypal them the processing fee,” Everend believes, according to a Trigger Alert article.
“While I prefer the term exaggerated news journalist, any fake honors that this fake news site could ever earn would be due to the headline writer, since that’s mostly what people read.”
“That’s mostly just me, too. But that’s stoned me. This is somewhat sober me, doing all the legwork that never gets recognized,” Everend explains.