Looking to cash-in on current events, representatives from several “major” adult film companies are racing to get a Fidel Castro porn film to market. Castro, the Cuban dictator who ceded power in 2006 and passed away last week, is slated to be the subject of numerous porn biopics.
Steven Hirsch of Vivid Video confirmed that his company is working on multiple Castro films.
“We’re going all out,” reports Hirsch. “We’re bringing in Angelina Valentine and Lela Star and a few others stars to work on multiple scripts dealing with different periods of Castro’s life. Cuban Prison Heat is kind of a prequel to the prequel to Guantanamo Gays, and it will deal with Castro’s years in prison before he led the coup, while Fidel’s Horny Ass Sluts will deal with the period in the late 1980s and early 1990s when Castro had to contend with losing Russian support”.
Patrick Collins of Elegant Angel confirmed that his company plans to include Castro as a character in some major motion picture spinoffs.
Captain Cuba: Uncivil Whore and Mad Fidel: Fury Hole are both go projects. We’re even going to give a Castro character a cameo in Kung Poo Panda 4.”
“The Panda cameo is a bit of a stretch, but we have to strike while the iron’s hot, even if it means we have to go out on a limb and  do something silly in just this one case.”
Asked who he had penciled in to appear as the deposed dictator onscreen, Collins confirmed that he had numerous stars lined up. “We’ve got Peter North with a glued-on beard, Mandingo with a glued-on beard, Rob Rotten with a glued-on beard, we have a few others working for the cameras as we speak. Time is of the essence, so we even brought in some of the top stunt cocks with glued-on beards available.”
“Unfortunately, due to financial constraints, the stunt-cocks will be wearing glued-on felt beards, as opposed to the really nice carpet ones our stars will be wearing.”
Mike from Mike’s Apartment is more concerned with historical accuracy than star quality.
“I’m thinking so long as I hire some of those chicks from 8th Street Latinas, have some communist propaganda hanging over the bed, and fuck a lot of people while I wear a glued-on beard, that’s something the Cuban and other Latin audiences will appreciate because of the honesty and accuracy.”
“You have to identify your audience and give them what they want,” Mike said. “Everyone else is going to be days in production. Me? I’m going to have 8 videos up by Thursday. Maybe ten if I can find some fresh oysters.”
“Putting anything with Fidel’s image on the free market is really sticking it to him,” Hirsch said. “Not quite like he gets stuck in that Guantanamo Gays prequel, but it’s still, you know … sticking it to him.”