HOLLYWOOD,  California — According to a series of informative late-night television advertisements, Tori, Lisa, and Mai (last names withheld) don’t know why you’re just sitting there alone, and wonder why you haven’t given them a call.
As stated in the advertisements, which air on a number of networks between 2am-6am, Tori, Lisa, and Mai have each taken on a level of concern about your personal life and apparent symptoms of detachment and rejection. The goal of their respective programs is to offer you the opportunity to “stop just sitting there and thinking about it”, and pick up the phone and talk to a real woman “about anything that’s on your mind right now”. The ads imply a level of psychological help and, in some cases, apparent frank discussion of deeply buried personal details, of which you’re certain to have many to divulge.
At $2.95 for the first minute and 99 cents for each additional minute, the offer of psychological help comes at at a deeply discounted rate over conventional in-office visits, although representatives at both Aetna and Blue Cross-Blue Shield declined to return calls concerning whether these services are covered under the Affordable Care Act.

Also admittedly single, Tori and Mai both indicate that such discussions could lead to a deeper personal relationship, although Lisa stopped short of implying such commitments, implying that her interests are more firmly rooted in the notion that she is “really hot right now”, while wondering aloud if you’re interested in touching her, an offer you’d be a fool to pass on, you lonely schlub.
While the full details are unclear, it’s apparent that the girls each offer a corresponding message that whatever you’re doing now, you could be doing with an incredibly — or in Mai’s case, moderately — beautiful woman, an opportunity that a fat loser like you might never have without the assistance of cellular and/or virtual technology.