Nearly a week after one of America’s most shocking elections, pundits all over America have spewed forth theories as to how Trump pulled off the surpising upset. While some have blamed FBI Director James Comey, the DNC, or the left’s “persistent tantrums”, seven year old Billy Jordan of Sterling Park, Virginia, offered an entirely new angle on it.
“Well, the way I see it, more people voted for the orange guy than voted for that lady.”
The soundbyte — which initially aired on a Washington DC news channel — stirred pundits nationally, as Sunday night’s cable news circuit clamored around the boy’s claim.
“If only it were that simple,” explained MSNBC’s Chris Matthews. “You see, Billy, when something happens that we do not and cannot like, the reason is always much more convoluted, with a lot more bias and conjecture. You’re not hitting the root of the problem, which we will continue to determine until a simple majority of on-air pundits and pseudo-intellectuals come upon one opinion from a like-minded news source that we like. In the end there will be two theories left, and ours is the one you will, or should, believe.”
His stationmate Rachel Maddow offered, “No, Billy, no. No, no, no, no, no, Billy. Hillary won. She … she just won. I just … I don’t know. I can’t. No. She … she won, Billy. Don’t, just don’t be that guy, Billy. No, Billy. Hillary won. She … she won,” before downing a handful of pills.
CNN’s Anderson Cooper was more subtle, chiding the boy gingerly for being naive while admitting that the boy was absolutely adorable, but was caught by a hot-mic as the network segued to commercial as saying, “That little shit will never work in this fucking business, I’ll tell you that much.”


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