According to a November 12 press release from inside the Kremlin, Russian President Vladimir Putin has been practicing his “shocked face” in the mirror for 15 minutes each morning, just in case he is fired by Donald Trump during season one of Superpower Apprentice.
According to the release, Putin — considered a favorite in the globally televised reality event — has “mirror poses” penciled into his agenda book from 7:25am through 7:40am daily. His press secretary revealed that he has been practicing a variety of poses, from  shocked and disappointed to “smug as a bug”. The release did not detail if this posing session coincides with or is addition to his regularly scheduled morning poses. Reportedly, the former KGB agent routinely poses in front of a mirror to check himself for skin disorders, muscle tone, bicep and pectoral size, and evenness of tan.
This release comes in concert with numerous other recent reports that several world leaders have been practicing their smiles, intonation, and posture for the program, as well as preparing their reactions in the inevitable event that most of their tenures on the show will be terminated by reality-star-turned-president Donald Trump. According to Superpower Apprentice producer Mark Burnett, a termination notice on season one will result in the nation of the “Loser Leader” (as Mr. Trump has dubbed them) to be subject to any level of zany economic sanctions, embargos, or military action. The individual actions for each “Loser Nation” will be determined by the spin of a large, colorful wheel.
Among the reports that attracted most of the interest until now, German Chancellor Angela Merkel insisted she would continue to “look mostly indifferent, regardless of any benefit or penalty to Germany”, while North Korea’s Kim Jong Un insists that he will smile.
“We have been waiting for a very long time to lose,” the Korean leader bragged.
Superpower Apprentice is a real chance to show the world who the leaders are, our strengths, and our standing in the world. Depending on how each national leader plays the game, it is an opportunity to find favor and sympathy around the globe,” an Israeli press release stated. Benjamin Netanyahu has not made himself available for a personal comment, which many believe is because he is not scheduled to appear on season one of the program.
The United States’ immediate neighbors were curiously missing from the season one roster. Canadian prime Minister Justin Trudeau, who recently proposed a wall and moat at the U.S.-Canada border, is not scheduled to appear until season two. To the surprise of many, Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto is not yet scheduled to appear on the program.
“We’ll really just have to see how it goes,” Burnett stated.
In the meantime, Russian media will get yet another opportunity to lavish over well-prepared photographs of the Russian president in a more casual environment, a move the Kremlin hope will further endear the leader with the Russian citizenry.
“Naturally, I am seen among the favorites in the competition,” Mr. Putin is quoted in the press release as saying, “But I believe in preservation and preparedness, and it’s best to be prepared with the most startling expressions possible in the event that Comrade Trump might find me expendable. Stranger things have indeed happened. After all, no one ever thought the United States entertainment media would ever agree to green light this Apprentice spin-off, in any case. And yet, here we are.”