Renowned New York art connoisseur and critic Stanley McGwire, best known for his syndicated art review column “Snobbery”, shocked the art world today when he issued a $1,000,000 reward for information that will lead him to find “whoever painted the rust” on a boiler he recently found.
McGwire reportedly came upon the boiler in the basement of a local gallery during a wine tasting event.
During a one-on-one with Trigger Alert columnist D.R. Everend, McGwire explained, “I found the boiler in a gallery outside of McKeesport, Pennsylvania. I was there for a wine tasting and a local viewing in mid-October but I found pretty much everything to be absolute drivel, which is not entirely unusual. I was feeling a little peaked so I stumbled out into a hall and down some stairs and there it was, right in the basement, this bold statement in rust emblazoned across this old boiler. I asked the gallery who was responsible, but they couldn’t put their finger on an answer. So, I took some photos, I asked some of the finest minds in the art world, but no could tell me who was behind the rust painting on the boiler.”
Nearly a month into his search, McGwire issued a press release on November 11 offering the generous $1 million dollar prize for anyone who could tell him who had painted the rust on the boiler.

“From the desk of Stanley N. McGwire:
It is with piqued interest that I assemble ye, fellow art collectors and kindred connoisseurs, to help me find the artist who painted the rust on this boiler in McKeesport, PA. My team and I have researched extensively but we have exhausted our outlets. While we will forge forward in this quest, undaunted by the difficulty of the task ahead, we feel at this time it may be beneficial to enlist the help of our fellow artists, art collectors, as well as my fellows in the critic’s community, to assist us with any information that may lead to the discovery of the artist behind this boiler. We are willing to offer a reward of $1 million dollars for any such information.”
rusted boiler

The press release sent the art world into a frenzy as Google searches for both “art” and “rust”, as well as combinations and variations of the terms, skyrocketed by nearly 1300% in the hours immediately following the reward announcement.
Many Twitter users tweeted in shock about what they perceived to be an act of philanthropy by the extremely wealthy 71 year old critic, notorious for his scathing reviews.
When asked what kind of projects he planned to commission through such an artist, McGwire responded, “Commissions? Oh, dear Lord, no! I just simply must tell him he’s an asshole. The colors are fucking atrocious!”